


Finding Coulson

by Phlinting



Series: Finding Coulson [1]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. References, Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. Spoilers, F/M, Happy Ending, M/M, Marvel Cinematic Universe Phase One Compliant, Women Being Awesome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-30
Updated: 2016-04-30
Packaged: 2018-06-05 10:07:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6700615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phlinting/pseuds/Phlinting
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was an accident, a random convergence of right time, right place, but when Laura Barton discovers that her husband's ex-lover is still alive and apparently still working for SHIELD she knows Clint deserves an explanation.</p><p>Seven goddamn months Phil put off calling the Barton family and letting them know he isn't as dead as they were told. It's probably well-deserved karma that gives Laura the chance to verbally kick him in the ass, in front of his new team no less.</p><p>But it's going to be Clint's inclination to kill him first <em>and then</em> demand an explanation that's going to be his biggest problem.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've been a huge fan of Phil Coulson and Clint Barton romance since I found AO3, but I was shockingly okay when AOU revealed that Clint had a wife and kids. (I know, right? Even I wouldn't have thought that I'd like the idea before watching AOU.) Anyway, this fic is my attempt to merge the two ideas in my head. 
> 
> Contains spoilers for Agents of Shield season one.

"Uncle Phil," Cooper called excitedly as he sprinted toward an area that had been cordoned off with yellow tape. Laura quickly grabbed Lila up and followed her son through the thick crowd, her heart breaking all over again for the boy who missed both of his father figures more every day.

Clint said he wanted to stay home as much as possible, but with SHIELD still trying to recover from Loki's attack and possibly the guilt he felt for his unwilling involvement, Clint had been home very little in the past year. 

It didn't help that Clint blamed himself for Phil's death. Loki had killed him—there was no disputing that—but it was Clint's knowledge and brainwashed assistance that had gotten him into a position where he could murder Phil. Clint even feared that Loki had killed the man he'd loved simply because Loki had understood the connection between them.

"Cooper," Laura called, trying not to sound frantic when her son disappeared in the crowd. For months after Phil's death, Cooper had "seen" Phil in almost every man wearing a suit. It had been heartbreaking to watch the kid's hope dashed time and time again. "Cooper where are you?"

Maybe not going to Phil's funeral had been a bad idea, but in the mess that had been left behind, Clint had been worried about security. No one at SHIELD or with the Avengers, besides Natasha, knew that Clint was married, so explaining who they were would have been problematic.

Laura understood—and had no wish to risk her family's safety—but without a funeral it was harder for young children to understand the finality of death.

Anxiety clawing at her stomach, Laura pushed through the crowd, finding an opening just as her son ducked under the line of yellow tape and ran toward a man wearing jeans and a casual shirt.

Tears filled her eyes, blurring her vision as she stumbled after her son. Looking extra hard at every man wearing a suit had almost been understandable, but this guy didn't look anything like Phil Coulson.

Until he turned around.

~*~

"Uncle Phil!"

Phil swallowed hard, ignoring the twist in his gut that made a random child calling his name sound so much like Cooper that it almost felt like he could turn around and find the kid standing behind him.

"Uncle Phil! Wait…Uncle Phil!"

The child sounded desperate to find his uncle and the part of Phil that was still an Agent of SHIELD, and therefore tasked in protecting anyone who needed his protection, almost turned to help. But it was too raw, too painful, too…heart wrenching to open himself to that sort of torment when the memories were this close to the surface.

He sensed rather than saw one of the SHIELD agents, who'd been tasked with site security, move toward where the boy's call came from, but it was the angry voice of a woman that had Phil turning in shock.

She wasn't looking at Phil as she told the agent to get his hands off her son, but Lila was. The little girl had been barely old enough to know who he was when he'd dropped out of their lives, but right now she held her arms out for him and made a happy noise of recognition.

That was enough to have Laura and Cooper both ignoring the agent and turning toward him.

"Phil?" Laura asked, shaking her head slightly as if she couldn't quite believe what she was seeing. It was probably a natural reaction to discovering her husband's dead lover still actually alive.

The agent raised an eyebrow silently asking Phil for orders. 

"Ah…stand down," he said, the man's name escaping him right at that moment. "I'll handle this." The agent nodded once and returned to where he'd been earlier.

"Phil?" Laura asked again moving closer, holding Cooper back even though he clearly wanted to get closer to Phil.

"Laura, I'm sor—"

She held up her hand, shaking her head.

"Don't," she said, her eyes filling with tears even as she held herself rigid. "Is this why Clint almost never comes home anymore?"

"What?" Phil asked, confused by the question. 

Laura glanced at the children, obviously not wanting to discuss this in front of them. She swung Lila off her hip and placed her next to Cooper. "Can you take care of your sister for a moment, please?"

"But mom—"

"I just need a minute, okay?" she asked, smoothing Cooper's hair off his face. "And then we'll all spend some time with Phil."

That seemed to mollify Cooper for the moment, but it almost felt like a threat to Phil's manhood coming from a woman as angry as Laura was at that moment. She'd made jokes about castrating him once before. Right now he wasn't so sure she'd been joking.

Once the children understood, she marched over to Phil, grabbed his arm and dragged him a little further away but still within eyesight of the kids.

"How long has Clint known?" she asked, her grief slipping through her anger and into her words.

"He doesn't know," Phil said, horrified to realize that Laura thought that he and Clint would do that. They'd always had an open and honest dialogue about the polyamorous relationships Clint had with both of them. Phil had even lived at the farm in between assignments and not always just when Clint was there.

But dying and coming back to life without telling them was probably a good reason not to trust him.

"Laura, I promise you, Clint doesn't know I'm alive. I haven't seen him since before Loki."

Instead of being relieved, Laura's anger came back even stronger. "Why the hell would you do that to him? Why didn't you just pick up a goddamn phone and say 'Oh by the way, Clint, I'm not dead!'" She narrowed her eyes, her gaze glancing over his left shoulder before returning to him, her voice rising with her anger. "Why wouldn't you take a few precious minutes out of your new shiny life to let the man who loves you know that you're still alive, that you didn't die because of him, that your supposed death was not his fault!"

"He blames himself?"

Laura rolled her eyes. "Of course he blames himself." Again she glanced at what Phil assumed was his team gathering behind him. "God, Phil, did you even know Clint at all?"

That stung. He'd known Clint for a long time, longer even than Laura.

"I thought I was doing the right thing." He glanced at the kids. 

Laura blew out a deep breath. He knew her well enough to know she was trying to control her temper right now.

"I was trying to do the right thing," Phil repeated, not certain why that would make her angry.

Laura huffed a sarcastic laugh. "That just proves that you're a moron." 

He didn't respond because he was beginning to think that was probably true. It had been a shock to wake in a hospital bed and not be surrounded by people who cared for him. He'd feared the worst for both Clint and Natasha because they'd been on the hellicarrier, but he'd at least believed Laura would come visit once or twice. It had taken several weeks of worrying that she was angry with him for not saving Clint from Loki's thrall before it occurred to him that if Clint, Natasha, and Fury were all dead, Laura would never have been told what had happened to any of them. She might have spent the rest of her life wondering what had happened.

Later learning that everyone was okay yet thought _he_ was dead had been very strange to deal with, but he'd eventually decided that leaving them to continue their lives together was less traumatic than learning he wasn't actually dead.

Especially when he learned that it had been months since he'd met the pointy end of a spear.

Phil opened his mouth but had no idea what to say.

"Nope, just shut it," Laura said, taking control of the situation in a move that would have made Maria Hill proud. "You are going to hand over whatever this situation is to your next in charge, and then you are coming to have lunch with me and the kids. They miss you, Phil, and they deserve the chance to spend some time with a man they both adore."

It wasn't really a problem to hand over control of the mission to May for the next few hours, but it was his own aching need to spend time with the kids that truly made the decision for him.

Phil wasn't surprised in the least to find his team standing behind him wearing various expressions of curiosity and disbelief. Skye looked ready to ask a million questions, but thankfully May stepped in before the words could come out of the young woman's mouth.

"Enough gawping," she said in her Agent-May-is-going-to-kick-your-ass voice. "Get back to work." And then she turned that same tone on Phil. "We'll finish up here and then head back to the bus. Call me later."

Phil wanted to argue, but if there was one thing he'd learned working with May it was that when she made up her mind it really was best not to argue. But before Phil even had a chance to agree, Laura once again took over the conversation.

"Thank you, agent," Laura said, an instant kinship with May apparently forming. "Come on, Phil. Time to face the music."

And despite the angry tone, Phil could find nothing but gratitude for the accidental meeting that had brought the Barton family back into his life.


	2. Chapter 2

Laura smiled as her son talked to Phil almost non-stop. Cooper had grown so quiet over the past thirteen months that his reaction now was kind of startling. The change had been gradual and right now it made an awful sort of sense. Cooper had grown up knowing that Phil and Clint weren't always going to be around, that they were busy and had very important jobs, but when they'd been home—either together or individually—they'd spent as much time with the kids as humanly possible.

For Cooper, it had been the passage of time that had confirmed Phil's death. It wasn't the explanation that Laura and Clint had given him, but the continued absence of the man from his life that had brought home the awful reality of death.

Lila had perhaps been too young to understand at all, but she'd climbed onto Phil's lap the moment he'd sat down and had simply held on tight the entire time.

"When will you be home?" Laura asked suddenly. She wasn't sure what she was feeling right now—anger, definitely, and bewilderment and fear and very welcome relief and a whole lot of other emotions she didn't have time to identify—but it felt very important to have her family back together under the one roof.

"I…um…" Phil glanced at the two children who adored him and seemed to make a decision. "As soon as I can organize some leave."

"How long will that take?" Laura persisted, unwilling to let Phil leave a statement like that open-ended. She wanted a definite timeframe. And yes she knew that someone as important in SHIELD as Phil Coulson was couldn't really give her any guarantees, but she wanted them anyway. Clint, Cooper, and Lila deserved to be a priority in Phil's life for a least a little while. Being absent for so long and letting them believe he was dead was about as cruel as things could get.

Phil owed them answers and he owed them time, and Laura was going to get both for her family.

~*~

Phil had always known why Clint had fallen for Laura. The woman was incredible and right now she was an avenging angel, willing to do whatever it took to make her family happy, even if that meant once again sharing her husband.

It was obvious that she was very angry with Phil, but instead of trying to influence the kids into hating him, she was demanding that he come back into their lives.

"How long are you here?" Phil asked. They were several states away from the Barton farm. It was why he'd been sure he wasn't really hearing Cooper's voice. He'd never expected to find any of the Bartons this far from home. Well except maybe Clint, and Phil had high enough clearance to usually know what missions his former lover was on and how to avoid him if necessary. 

These days Clint spent more time working with the Avengers than SHIELD anyway.

"Our vacation finishes day after tomorrow," Laura said, her voice carefully neutral. "The plane home leaves at four in the afternoon."

Flying commercial meant that an approximately two hour flight would probably mean five or more hours of traveling to and from airports as well as the wait to board and depart the plane and the wait to get their luggage. Flight and security delays would make the day even more trying. And yet Phil knew that Laura would consider traveling with two young children as just another day. When it came to being organized, Laura Barton put many of the highly trained SHIELD agents to shame.

"You should come see our hotel room. It's amazing," Cooper said, bouncing in his seat with enthusiasm. "And we're going to the zoo tomorrow. Can you come with us, Uncle Phil? Can you come?"

Laura didn't say anything, but she did smile and nod ever so slightly to let him know that it was his decision to make. If he wanted to join them for the last couple days of their vacation, she wouldn't stop him.

"I'd like that," he said cautiously, "but I'll have to check in with my team a couple of times." Thankfully their current assignment was one of the more routine (AKA boring) ones that they usually got to deal with in between the life-threatening, end-of-the-world stuff. Agent May was the only one of them who knew Phil had some sort of personal life before Loki had stabbed him, but even she hadn't known who with or under what circumstances.

It had been very important to Clint, and to Phil as well, that no one in SHIELD know the true nature of their relationship, both for their careers and in an attempt to protect Laura and the kids.

Phil smiled when Cooper's enthusiasm for the zoo had him talking so fast that he could barely breathe. From Laura's well-hidden surprise he figured that Cooper had been quiet a lot since Phil had seen him last. 

And it drove home a lot of things he'd never really considered when he'd decided to simply stay "dead."

~*~

Laura was really glad for Cooper's running commentary. Now that they were back at the hotel merely an hour later, running into Phil seemed almost like a dream. If her son hadn't talked about the man non-stop since he'd left them to go check in with his team, she might have been able to convince herself that she'd imagined the whole thing.

Phil Coulson was actually alive.

And he'd chosen not to come home to them.

And, damn it, she still had no idea why.

She'd accepted long ago that Clint wouldn't be the typical nine-to-five husband, but she really wanted to talk to him right now. Of course, she'd tried to contact him, but his cell phone had gone straight to voicemail which meant the mission he was on required radio silence. She had no idea if that was true or not—she'd felt lost enough for a while now to not quite believe everything that Clint told her—but it was probably best that she couldn't spring the news of the man he'd loved his entire adult life actually being alive while he was in the middle of a deadly assignment.

Despite knowing that Phil was coming back to spend a few hours with them before the children's bed time she jumped half a foot into the air when his knock came. Taking a calming breath, she moved toward the door, pushed Cooper behind her the way Clint might have done if he was here, and then made sure to check the peep hole before opening the door.

"Hi," Phil said, his voice quiet as if he wasn't really sure of his welcome. He held up the package he was holding. "Vanilla-choc swirl for the kids, cherry-chocolate fudge ripple for us."

Laura couldn't help the smile that curled her lips. It was the exact ice-cream flavors they used to order when they were both missing Clint. And then, because she had a terrible sense of timing, her eyes filled with tears and she reached for the man in front of her.

"Damn it, Phil," she whispered, trying to hide her reaction from the kids. "You were my best friend. Why didn't you come home?"

"I'm so sorry, sweetheart," he said, using a term of endearment he'd never used before. Phil had only ever called her Laura. Then again she'd never actually latched onto the guy like an octopus and cried on his shoulder either.

Phil didn't try to extricate himself, but he did shuffle her a few feet into the room and closed the door behind him. It took a few more moments to realize that Lila and Cooper had joined them. Lila somehow ended up in Phil's left arm with her head on his shoulder and Cooper was pressed into Laura's side with Phil's right arm resting on his slim shoulders.

Embarrassed to realize she was still hugging him when he was only hugging the children, Laura pasted on her brightest "everything's fine kids" smile and took a step back. Thankfully Lila and Cooper were more interested in climbing Phil than noticing their mother's unsteady emotions.

Phil gave her a small smile before turning his full attention to the kids.

~*~

Because they were on vacation and because Phil had promised to stay until they fell asleep, and yes, maybe because of the late-night ice-cream snack too, it was well past midnight before Lila and Cooper were finally asleep. Phil crept out of the bedroom the kids were sharing and gently closed the door behind him. He wasn't really surprised to find Laura waiting for him at the small table.

"It's a nice hotel," he said, trying to fill the awkward silence with noise. "I bet Clint is really disappointed that he couldn't join you."

Laura gave him a wry look. "Clint doesn't know we're on vacation. Right now he doesn't even know where we are."

That wasn't good to hear. Not at all. Phil sat down opposite her.

"You can talk to me, Laura."

Laura laughed sarcastically. "I _have_ been talking to you, Phil. I've spent the past twelve months praying to a dead man and hoping that Clint might be able to pull himself together long enough to see that his family is falling apart."

"Is that why you thought he knew I was alive? He doesn't come home?"

Laura nodded and swallowed painfully. "I'm sorry I accused you of that," she said with the type of brutal honesty he'd always gotten from this woman. "But it kind of felt as if I finally had a believable explanation for the way Clint has been acting."

"How has he been acting?" Phil asked, knowing even before Laura answered that a lot of this was his fault.

"He hasn't been home longer than a day or two before being called back in by SHIELD or the Avengers, every mission this year has been radio silent, and I can't even complain to anybody because they don't know I exist." 

She dragged in a shaky breath but her control crumbled. Phil hated that a woman as strong as Laura Barton had been pushed beyond her endurance. He wanted to hug her again, but he had no idea how she would react right now.

"I won't even be notified if he dies," Laura said, sounding resigned, "so I won't even know if he decided to just leave me or if he actually dies on the job." She gave Phil a look that should have shriveled him on the spot. "But I guess being his medical contact wouldn't do me any good anyway since being listed as dead when you aren't seems to be an optional extra of your employment."

"Laura, no," Phil said. "It doesn't work like that. I was a very special case. My recovery was…unconventional. Even now it's supposed to only be known by agents with level seven clearance."

It seemed so stupid when he said it like that. Half his team was lower than level seven. Hell, Skye wasn't even a SHIELD agent. They all knew he was alive, obviously, but it suddenly felt wrong for the Avengers to not know that he'd survived Loki's attack. And it especially felt wrong to have kept the information from Clint, Laura, and the kids.

"I'll call director Fury in the morning. He should be able to tell me where Clint is and when he's expected back."

"What will you tell him?"

"That Clint's wife wants to know," Phil said quietly. "The director knows about you and the kids and the farm. He helped us set it up so that it would be a safe place."

"So why hasn't he sent Clint home? Why won't he let him stay for more than a day or two?"

"I don't know," Phil said, angry now that one of his oldest friends was ignoring Clint's needs. They'd never told Fury of the relationship between them, but the man knew Clint and Phil were good friends. He knew that Phil knew Clint's family. In fact he'd known enough to lie to them all and tell them Phil was dead. And Fury had made sure they'd known for months before Phil was cognizant enough to tell them otherwise.

When Phil had woken it had seemed far easier to let news of his death linger rather than trying to explain how he'd survived (something he'd only just learned himself) or why he'd felt somehow wrong inside his own skin. He was still coming to terms with all that, albeit slowly thanks to the many distractions of his newly acquired team and all that entailed.

He had reasons for his choices, yet in light of everything he'd given up and the damage he'd done to a family who'd always cared for him, none of those choices seemed the right ones anymore. 

It was very likely Fury was the reason Clint was so busy now. And Phil wouldn't put it past the director to be using Clint's guilt as a way to control him. Yes, Clint had killed SHIELD agents while under Loki's control, but that was like blaming the gun for killing someone and not the person controlling it. Clint would never have worked against SHIELD if given the choice. He'd been a loyal and sadly, thanks to his horrific childhood, a very grateful agent from the moment Phil had recruited him.

The pain in Phil's chest was just a phantom ache—he was fully healed from his stabbing, if somewhat messily scarred—but the panic growing in his mind was quite real. Something felt wrong with this picture and until he knew more, he didn't want to leave Laura or the kids vulnerable.

No he wouldn't talk to Fury in the morning. He'd talk to May and his team and they'd figure out where Clint was and they'd get his family back to the safety of the farm and then they'd work out what the hell had been happening the past twelve months.

~*~

"Would it be okay if I stay the night?" 

Laura startled at the unexpected question. 

"On the sofa, of course," Phil clarified.

She knew that look. Phil was worried about something. "What aren't you telling me?"

Phil gave her one of his patented "I'm not worried" smiles. Laura had known him long enough to know it was bullshit.

"Spill, Phil."

He cringed at her unintentional rhyme, tried to make a joke about it to distract her, and finally gave up and told her what she wanted to know.

"I trust my team, but there were other SHIELD agents on site earlier today."

"You think we're in danger?" Laura asked, refusing to give in to the fear beginning to course through her.

Phil shook his head a little bit, but then nodded as well. "I don't know enough to know for sure that you're safe."

"Why?" she asked, not willing to accept his "it's just a precaution" explanation. She'd been watching his face when he'd realized something that had brought him to the conclusion that she and the kids might be in danger.

Phil seemed reluctant to share, but he breathed out a heavy breath when she narrowed her eyes at him.

"Something isn't adding up," Phil said. "Fury knows about you and the kids, but he's the person who told everyone I was dead…and now Clint is apparently getting back-to-back missions with very little down time." Phil shook his head as if he couldn't quite believe the conclusions he'd come to. "Nick Fury has been one of my closest friends for more than two decades, but right now his actions don't add up." Phil gave her a calm smile. "I don't believe that you or the kids are in immediate danger, but I do need to make sure you're safe."

"Okay," Laura said, trusting the man she'd known as long as she'd known Clint, despite the last year's worth of lies. "So, what do we do next?"

"Right now we should get some sleep," he said, standing up as if he planned to move to the tiny sofa right then. He stopped when he looked at her face. "What is it?"

She was a horrible person for even considering it, but Clint had been away for so long and she'd thought Phil was dead and she'd been dealing with the kids' reactions and her own grief almost entirely alone. She hated that she was weak enough to ask—he'd been Clint's lover, never hers—but she wanted a warm body in the bed beside her.

She considered trying to phrase her request so that it sounded like she was only concerned for his comfort—the sofa really was small and hard—but she'd decided right from the moment she'd met Phil and understood that he was willing to share Clint with her that she'd never lie to this man. 

"Would it be okay if you slept in the bedroom?" She hesitated. "In the bed with me?"

Phil looked surprised, but at least he didn't seem offended.

"I mean, I know you're gay. That's not what I'm asking for." She wrapped her arms around herself in an increasingly self-conscious attempt to hold herself together. "I just…" She blinked rapidly to hold back the tears, annoyed at herself for once again giving into her own emotions. "Sorry," Laura said, backing away and avoiding eye contact. "That was…unfair… Sorry."

She didn't even see Phil move, but when she tried to turn around so that she could flee to the bedroom, strong arms wrapped around her shoulders and held her close against a warm, solid chest. 

"I'm sorry you've had to deal with this alone for so long," Phil whispered, rocking her slightly. "Go get ready for bed. I'll be there in a few minutes."

"You don't have to," Laura said, trying to give Phil an easy out. She should never have said anything about being so lonely. It wasn't his problem to fix. "It's been a long day. I'm just rambling. I should be fine."

"It's okay, Laura. I think I need it as much as you do," Phil said, casually dropping a kiss to the top of her head. "I need to check in with my team. I'll join you in a few minutes."

~*~

It was nothing more than holding hands, being close to another person, simply knowing that neither of them was alone, but it soothed something in Phil's heart and mind. With his team monitoring the hotel, he actually slept, and for the first time in weeks didn't wake with horrific memories of project TAHITI playing in his mind.


	3. Chapter 3

Laura was relieved when Cooper and Lila weren't too disappointed about skipping the zoo. Of course, it helped that Phil invited them to come for a ride on his "bus" instead. 

"That's not a bus," Lila said, hands on hips and her annoyance quite clear. "That's an airplane."

Phil laughed softly. "You know, Lila, I think you might be right."

Cooper rolled his eyes, but he couldn't hide his enthusiasm as they got closer. Laura had been both relieved and heartbroken to see Phil's red convertible—the car he loved so much he'd named it Lola—sitting in the parking area of the hotel. Thanks to being forced by SHIELD policy to keep their relationship a secret, Clint hadn't been given any choice on what had happened to Phil's belongings. In fact other than a few random pieces of clothing and an old pair of boots Phil had left in the guest room, they'd had nothing to show for the man who'd been a part of their lives.

"Hello," a young dark-haired woman said after they drove onto the ramp at the rear of the plane and stepped out of the car. "Welcome to the bus."

"Not a bus," Lila said belligerently before remembering this woman was a stranger and then smiling shyly. "Unka Phil, it's not a bus." 

"No, you're absolutely right. It's not a bus," the young woman said, smiling widely as she turned her grin on Phil. "Why would you call an airplane a bus, Uncle Phil?"

Laura bit her lips together to stop herself from laughing. She'd heard many, many baby-agents-are-terrified-of-Agent-Coulson stories over the years from Clint, but clearly this young woman wasn't one of them.

"Are we ready for take off, Skye?" Phil asked, ignoring the young woman's sass.

"As soon as we've got everyone strapped in, AC." The woman flicked a glance at them, noting the way the kids were clinging to Phil, and then gave Laura an assessing look. It was clear she was very curious, but she didn't say anything. 

A glass door, coming from what seemed to be a lab or workshop, slid opened and two people, not much older than Skye, came toward them. They were talking rapidly and practically finishing each other's sentences. The woman only noticed Laura when she took a step back to get out of their way.

"Oh, my goodness," the young woman said, her hand fluttering with her embarrassment. "I'm so sorry. We didn't see you there." She glanced at Phil before introducing herself and her friend. "I'm Jemma Simmons and this is Leo Fittz."

"Laura Barton," Laura said automatically. "and my children, Lila and Cooper."

"Welcome to the bus," Jemma said, earning a scowl from Lila. She seemed taken aback by the reaction. "Did I say something wrong?"

"It's not a bus," Skye informed them, grinning at Lila before turning a smirk in Phil's direction. "Uncle Phil agrees that it's an airplane."

"Uncle?" Jemma asked at the same moment Leo asked "Barton?"

Jemma turned to the man beside her, clearly waiting for an explanation.

"Barton?" he repeated. "As in Clint Barton? Hawkeye?"

Laura wasn't certain what Phil had told them, but he obviously hadn't explained who they were to him or to Clint. Annoyed at the secrecy that had put her through hell in the past twelve months, Laura narrowed her eyes at Phil silently warning him that she wanted no part of lying to his team. His lips twitched in the tiniest of smiles and then he nodded.

"This is Hawkeye's family."

The three young agents exchanged glances before all seeming to understand what Phil wasn't saying. It was almost surreal to watch these people go from relaxed kids to SHIELD agents in the blink of an eye.

And for the first time in a long time, despite the reason for being here, Laura felt like she wasn't facing the entire world on her own.

~*~

Phil could hardly believe how easy it was being home. 

Despite owning a small house in Seattle and always having access to SHIELD provided quarters, Phil had always thought of the Barton farm as home. Technically it had never officially been his residence, but that didn't stifle the way he'd felt.

Standing in the kitchen, surrounded by familiar sights, sounds, and smells, the past thirteen months felt like nothing more than a particularly horrifying dream. It was easy to relax and forget everything, including the possible danger the family now faced. That tiny thought poured cold water on the rest of the warm, fuzzy memories. Phil lifted his hand to his comm and quickly checked in with his team.

They still hadn't been able to figure out where Clint was. Phil had even given Skye authorization to hack the SHIELD servers when they'd been unable to find any mention of him in the active-missions database.

Laura wasn't showing any outward signs of concern—clearly she'd had plenty of practice hiding her turmoil from her children—but she kept a closer eye on Phil until he nodded and smiled telling her silently that everything was fine and the situation was unchanged.

An hour or so later they were playing a particularly energetic card game involving lots of yelling and hand slapping that didn't seem to have actual rules, when May's voice came over the comm in his ear.

"We've got a single intruder approaching on foot."

Phil stood up from the table, touched his ear to let Laura know something was wrong, and then moved into the next room.

"Can you identify?"

"Not yet," May whispered in a frustrated tone. "He's sticking to the shadows."

"What direction is he coming from?"

"From the main road, but he's circling around to the back. I'm moving to intercept."

"Negative," Phil said, acting on a gut instinct that he hoped he wouldn't regret. "Stay in position."

May's silence was very loud, but he knew she would follow his orders even if she didn't agree with them.

Phil signaled for Laura to keep the kids where they were. They'd chosen the space where they'd been playing cards for its defensibility—thick wooden walls on two sides and the staircase behind them, and it had no direct line of sight from any of the windows. Laura knew to hurry them into the cupboard under the stairs and to keep the kids down low if bullets started flying. She also knew how to get the kids out of the house from there if it became necessary.

~*~

Clint recognized the car in the driveway and that worried the hell out of him. Who the fuck had Phil's car? And why were they here? 

As well as the usual enemies acquired by his occupation, Clint had undoubtedly made enemies within SHIELD after the hellicarrier incident and Phil's death. Since then he'd been even more paranoid about his family's security than ever, but rushing into his own home with his gun drawn would risk traumatizing the kids. They'd been through enough already.

Deciding he needed to do a little recon first, he left his rental car behind a copse of trees and traveled the rest of the way on foot. 

The sun was nearly fully set so he used the deep shadows on the east side of the house to hide as he moved closer to the porch.

The noises coming from inside were normal enough, but it was the sound of a familiar deep voice that nearly had him collapsing where he stood. It wasn't Phil. He knew that, but damn, every time he heard a voice even remotely similar to Phil's he felt like he was losing the man all over again.

Grief had no timetable, he knew that, but how long was he going to be tortured by memories of the only man he'd ever loved?

"Laura," he heard the male voice call, "I'm making coffee. Would you like one?"

"It's a bit late for coffee," Laura said, sounding relaxed instead of stressed the way she would be if she didn't know this man. "There's chamomile tea up the back."

"Are you trying to kill me?" the man asked with a laugh in his voice. "You know I hate tea."

Phil had hated tea too. But this guy wasn't Phil, couldn't be Phil, so who was he?"

The likely explanation was unpalatable, but it wasn't exactly something Clint could complain about. He'd had a relationship with two people at the same time. He could hardly be hypocritical by denying Laura the same chance.

Except that, Clint had been honest and open and upfront with both Phil and Laura before pursuing a relationship with both of them. All three of them had agreed on certain points and boundaries beforehand and they'd been really happy together because of that communication.

But that was before Phil died and before Clint spent more time away than at home. Acid burned the back of his throat when he thought of the main reason he'd stayed away.

He'd rather confront his wife's possible new lover than think about any of that.

Clint crept closer to the kitchen window, popped up his head momentarily to get a look at the new guy, and then nearly vomited when panic flashed through him.

~*~

"I've lost visual contact," May reported.

"Where did you last see him?" Phil asked calmly. From the corner of his eye he'd caught sight of someone peeking in the window, but he hadn't been able to positively identify their visitor.

"Not far from your position," May said, her emotionless delivery highlighting her dislike for his plan.

"It's okay," Phil whispered into his comms. "I'm pretty sure I know the identity of our visitor."

~*~

Laura nearly leaped out of her skin when the door to the cupboard under the stairs opened, but when Clint popped his head out and then signaled for them to silently follow, she wasn't sure what to do. 

Her husband was very pale in the dim lighting, but it was the fact that he had a gun in his hand—something he would never do around the kids unless absolutely necessary—that convinced her to follow his lead. She placed a finger over her lips, telling Cooper to be silent, and then pointed to his dad. Cooper was a smart kid and he followed her instructions but he couldn't hide his grin. He'd missed Clint as much as he'd missed Phil.

Lila was already sitting half asleep in Laura's lap, so she cuddled her baby girl closer and moved toward the cupboard. She waited for Clint to silently close the door before whispering, "It's only Phil."

Clint moved them all closer to the hidden exit as he shook his head.

"It's not," he said, almost silently. He shook his head when Laura opened her mouth to argue. Clint leaned as close to Laura as he could and whispered, "I sat with him…afterward…for many hours after. He was gone, Laura. That's not him. It's not possible." 

Laura wanted to argue that the man in their kitchen was Phil. He was the guy she remembered—same personality, same quirks, same facial expressions, same memories—but if Clint had sat with him after he'd died, if he'd spent hours sitting beside his dead lover's body then she had no explanation for who the man in her kitchen might be.


	4. Chapter 4

Clint's heart was pounding harder than it ever did when he was working. He swallowed almost constantly, forcing down the bile that kept rising up the back of his throat. He needed to get his family to safety, but a part on him wanted to go back and throw his arms around a man he'd missed with every breath.

But that man wasn't Phil. There was no way it could be Phil.

That… _thing_ …only wore Phil's face.

Clint signaled for his family to stop. He left them in the tiny crawl space so that he could check that their exit was still clear. The last thing he was expecting was to find Agent Melinda May casually sitting on the grass waiting for him.

She held up her hands to prove that she wasn't armed, but Clint knew this woman well enough to know that not having a weapon didn't make her any less dangerous. 

"Fury wanted to keep it level seven and up, but that's a tough ask when he keeps sending the team into populated areas."

"Rather convenient," Clint said, holding his weapon pointed at May, "you know with me only being level six and all."

"Fury underestimated your connection to him. He thought you were only coworkers, maybe friends." She shrugged. "So did I, but then Phil was always good at keeping secrets."

"What?" Clint asked sarcastically. "Me sitting in the morgue all night didn't give Fury a clue?" 

"To be fair," Agent May replied, unconcerned by the gun still pointed in her direction, "his wasn't the only dead body you spent time apologizing to that night." 

"So you admit that he died? That he was dead for hours?"

She tilted her head slightly. "Days actually."

"Days?" Clint asked, wanting to believe that the woman in front of him was telling him the truth, but unwilling to risk Laura's and the kids' lives to find out.

"It was a…procedure developed for the Avengers, to resurrect an Avenger if they died in battle," May explained.

"I was pretty mad when I realized," Phil said softly as he moved into the pale circle of light from the house windows. "I never considered myself as one of the Avengers, and well, the procedure itself had some side effects."

"What sort of side effects?" Clint asked, forcing away the concern for the man he loved and trying to stay focused on his need to get the rest of his family to safety.

Phil was dead. Clint had seen the body. Resurrection days after death simply wasn't possible…except that Clint had seen plenty of impossible things in his career with SHIELD. He regularly fought beside Thor, for fuck's sake. Impossible wasn't impossible anymore.

Clint reached for his phone, bypassed the number for SHIELD since they'd be reluctant to put Clint through to the director, and instead dialed the number Tony Stark had given him. He put it on speaker so that he could keep his gun at the ready.

"The amazing Hawkeye!" Tony said instead of "hello." Clint quelled the need to roll his eyes, this time at least. "What can I do you for, Merida? Have you finally called to say 'Why yes, I'd love to live rent-free in your magnificent tower, Tony darling'?"

The mixture of annoyance and jealousy on Phil's face was quite distracting, and very much Phil's usual reaction to the fast-talking billionaire. It was wonderful to see it again, even if it turned out to not be real.

"First off, you'll be waiting a long time for me to call you darling," Clint said, watching the small grin that curved Phil's lips. "And second, I'm only calling for a tiny, tiny favor."

"And how much is this tiny, tiny favor going to cost me?" Tony asked casually. Clint knew Tony was generous with his money but it was clear by the way the people around him usually expected him to give them money that he didn't think he'd have any friends without it. Clint never wanted to be just another friend that Tony felt the need to buy.

"No cost," Clint said. "I was just wondering if you came across a direct number for Fury when you hacked into SHIELD's files."

Tony laughed gleefully. "Why yes, yes I did happen to locate a personal phone number for the pirate. Do you have plans for prank calls and pizza? Because if you do, I'd definitely want to be a part of that."

Clint smirked. "Maybe next time," he said. "Right now I'm dealing with a man who claims he's Phil Coulson." Complete silence greeted that announcement. "Can I get the number?"

"Sure," Tony said. "JARVIS, send the number to Clint's phone and then patch him through to Director Fury."

"Thanks, Tony," Clint said, almost certain that Tony was listening in on the call and climbing into the Iron Man suit while triangulating the connection to get Clint's location even though Clint hadn't actually asked for Tony's help. It was good to have friends he knew he could rely on.

The phone rang a few times before Fury answered with "Where the fuck did you find this number, Stark?"

"It's Hawkeye, sir," Clint said, throwing in the proper amount of respect. He didn't know who was lying yet so pissing off the Director of SHIELD probably wasn't a good road to travel until he knew for sure what was going on. 

"Hawkeye?" Fury asked as if he didn't know who that was.

"Agent Barton," Clint advised, wondering if this was such a good idea.

"I know who the hell you are Agent Clinton Francis Barton, level six SHIELD agent and part time Avenger. What I don't know is why the hell you're calling me in the middle of the goddamn night."

Sheesh. It wasn't that late. He was going to ask about Phil directly, but decided it was probably best to follow SHIELD protocols in this instance. As long as he didn't think about the fact that Tony Stark was also on the line right now, then Clint was _almost_ following protocols. "Sir, I need to advise that I've become aware of a situation that requires level seven clearance."

There was a heavy sigh from Fury's end of the line. "You ran into Phil."

"Yes, sir," Clint said. "I ran into Phil."

"Fine. Is he with you?"

"I'm here, sir," Phil called.

"Fine. Agent Barton. You're promoted to level seven. Phil, you can do the damn paper work."

"Yes, sir," Phil said with his usual wry smile. Everyone thought he enjoyed paperwork. Everyone was wrong. 

Fury disconnected with a tired huff, but it was Stark's cackle that made Clint smile.

"Thanks for including me, Katniss," Tony said, not even trying to hide his glee. "Welcome back the to land of the living, Agent Agent. Next time you're in town, drop by so Pepper can tear you a new one for not telling her."

"Good-bye, Stark." Phil didn't seem nearly as annoyed as he probably should be.

"Thanks, Tony," Clint said before hanging up the phone and turning it off. He gave May an apologetic smile. "Tony will only tell Pepper…oh, and probably the rest of the Avengers."

"It was about time they found out," Agent May said. "Fury will at least be glad to know he managed to hide it from Stark for this long."

Phil laughed as he took a tiny step closer to Clint.

Clint gave him a nervous smile. "So you're really here and you're really you and I'm not having, like, I don't know, a breakdown or something?" 

"No, honey, I promise that you're not having a breakdown." Phil stepped even closer and Clint put away his gun. "I promise I'm here and that I'm still me." He glanced sideways at May. "Well mostly."

Clint wanted to grill him on why he described it that way, but after his experience under Loki's thrall he understood the feeling better than he wished he did.

"Come on," Phil said, exhaling a relieved breath when Clint wrapped him in his arms. "Call Laura and the kids to come out of the crawlspace and we'll spend some time talking this out." He hesitated. "And then maybe we can all get some sleep."

"Except me," May said in a not-quite-sarcastic tone. "I'll be patrolling the perimeter." She shook her head at Clint. "At this stage, it's just a precaution."

"Okay," Clint said, unable to take his eyes off the man he'd never expected to be able to hold again. "Thanks, for bringing him back to me, May,"

"Don't thank me," she said with that patented wry smile and slightly raised eyebrow. "That was entirely your wife's doing."

~*~

Laura had spent the last few hours watching her kids' excited reactions to having both of their fathers at home. Lila and Cooper had displayed a concerning amount of separation anxiety when either man had left the room, but hopefully that would ease the longer the men were home, and the more regularly they returned home between assignments.

Being used to a fairly strict bedtime routine, Cooper and Lila had eventually given into their need to rest, but instead of going to bed, they'd fallen asleep pressed up against Phil and Clint. Lila was slightly more relaxed in sleep, but Cooper had a hand on each man, his fingers twisted into the material of their clothes, an outward sign of the emotions he'd been trying to deal with since everything had gone to hell.

Clint had already explained that it had been his own worries about the residual effects of Loki's enthrallment that had kept him away from his family. Instead of back-to-back SHIELD or Avenger's assignments as Phil and Laura had feared, it had all boiled down to the fact that Clint hadn't trusted himself to come home. He'd been terrified that he might hurt his own family.

All of the psychological testing the doctors at SHIELD had done suggested that Loki had no residual control over him. But Clint was a protective guy, especially when it came to his family, so Laura understood his reasons for keeping his distance. It didn't make the last thirteen months any easier to remember, but it did help to know why it had all happened.

Clint was far more relaxed with Phil here, but he'd promised to talk through his fears with them if they started to overwhelm him once more. It seemed pretty clear now that the danger Phil had feared from Fury was the result of miscommunication and misunderstandings rather than anything deliberate, so Phil's team had been told to stand down for the night. 

The only thing Laura didn't know was why Phil hadn't told them he'd survived. Even if months had passed while he'd been recovering, and even with the false memories of Tahiti implanted into his memory, why hadn't he at least called them once he'd gotten his proper memories back? He'd said he was "trying to do the right thing." What the hell had he meant by that?

"When did you remember about Clint, me and the kids?" 

Phil winced. "About seven months ago."

"Why didn't you come home then?" Clint asked sounding as upset as Laura felt.

Phil gave Laura a sad smile and then turned to Clint. "Because this isn't really my home. It's yours and Laura's and the kids. I'm just—" He cut off his words and swallowed hard. He closed his eyes in a way of hiding that Laura had never seen before from the man she'd thought she'd known. "I'm just… I'm _Uncle_ Phil, and I'd already been gone for so long. I figured it was my chance to finally get out of your way."

"You think you were in our way?" Laura asked, her heart breaking for both Phil and Clint. She waited for Phil to open his eyes and then glanced pointedly at the children who'd fallen asleep holding onto him. "You're as much their parent as we are." She rolled her eyes, annoyed when he shook his head. "Don't start with the biology facts, Phil. You might not share DNA, but you've been as much a part of Cooper's and Lila's lives as we have."

"But I'm just—"

"God help me, Phil," she said, completely exasperated now that she understood Phil's thinking. Hell, she should have seen his coming. It was the exact same noble bullshit that had ended with Phil dying from a stab wound thirteen months ago. "If you say you're just Uncle Phil again, I am going to shoot you with your own damn gun."

Clint smirked at that. Both men knew she had no love for guns and despite having two SHIELD agents in her life—well, three if she counted Natasha—Laura had never wanted to learn how to use one.

She moved closer and sat on the coffee table in front of Phil and Clint.

"My family is important to me," she said, searching desperately for the right words. "And whether you understand it or not, or believe it or not, it doesn't change the fact that you are as important to me as Clint is."

Phil glanced at Clint, and Laura was relieved to see that Clint was grinning widely.

"I'm your gay husband?" Phil asked, looking adorably ruffled by the idea. 

"Phil," Laura said, mildly exasperated, "I don't need to have sex with you to love you."

He glanced worriedly at Clint again, and Laura was ready to smack the highly trained SHIELD agent for being such a dumbass. "I love you too, Laura," Phil finally said with shy sort of grin. Clint smiled wider and Laura joined him. "I just figured there needed to be some sort of limit."

"No limits on love," Clint said, leaning sideways to kiss Phil and then forward to kiss Laura. "And no more 'uncle' Phil. Surely you realize you're more important to all of us than that." He smiled happily at their daughter sleeping in Phil's arms. "We'll talk to the kids in the morning about what they want to call you, but for now we should all consider getting some sleep."

"That's going to change too," Laura said, laughing softly now at the expression on Clint's face. "We'll keep the same rules for sex." They'd decided a long time ago that watching didn't appeal to any of them and with the kids now it was probably best to keep sexual intimacy behind locked doors anyway, so she saw no reason to change that part of their relationship. "But when it comes to sleeping, my bed is big enough for three." 

Phil laughed softly. "I've been told I snore."

"Me too," Laura said, shrugging happily.

Clint rolled his eyes. "I'm never going to get any sleep," he said faking a dramatic sigh, "but I can't think of any place I'd rather be."

"Me neither," Phil agreed.

Laura blinked back happy tears as Phil and Clint carried the kids to their beds and then joined her in their bedroom. Three days ago her life had been filled with despair, but one chance meeting, one random act of convergence between time and space had brought back everything she'd lost.

Somehow she'd been given a second chance and she had no intention of wasting it, not ever.

THE END


End file.
